Well, the first two weeks were...hmmm, not sure if there's a word for it, but we'll go with "tough." The hospital stay was wonderful. Coming home was wonderful.
Those were the last days I would feel like myself for the next couple weeks. Kaia was born, weighing 6 pounds, 12 ounces. When we left the hospital, she was down to 6 pounds, 1 or 2 ounces. They didn't want to see her lose anymore weight - otherwise, I might need to supplement with formula. To most of us, gaining weight wouldn't be a problem, but everything's so different with an infant. Kaia loves to sleep, which is great, except she didn't want to wake up to eat. So every three hours, I would have to wake her up (i.e., annoy her until she was conscious enough to eat for more than 30 seconds - this involves a lot of crying and sad sounds from her), feed her (did I mention, that this was fairly painful), usually rouse her again, feed more, change her, swaddle her back up, eat some food myself, sleep for about an hour, then wake up and do it all over again. Oh, and D and I also kept a detailed log of when I fed, how I fed, how long I fed, when she peed, when she pooped,... This was my routine for the first two weeks.
Looking back, I understand I was sleep deprived and high on hormones - no wonder I didn't feel like myself. But at that time, I felt lonely, incompetent and like I was failing as a mother - can't even get my kid to eat enough food. On Day 5 of her life, which was a Saturday, my milk came in and Kaia had her first poop at home (she had a couple in the hospital). We had gone in for a weight check that morning, and she weighed a little less - I think, 6 pounds flat. I was crushed. So they scheduled another weight check for Monday. At the next weight check she had gained 7 ounces...that's right, 7 ounces in two days!!!!!! I almost cried, but managed to keep my cool. At her two week appointment, Kaia was back to her birth weight. I asked if I could start letting her sleep through the night (vs. waking her up every 3 hours), and her pediatrician said, "Absolutely." In her eyes, you could tell that she was thinking, "You poor thing, you haven't slept more than 2 hours in a row for the last two weeks." Looking back, I wonder when I could've just let her sleep at night. I'll know to ask next time. They told me to feed her every 2-3 hours, so I did.
Looking back, I've decided that I'll do a few things differently when I have my next:
1) I won't isolate myself at night as much - this is when I felt the most lonely.
2) I will get outside every day - the sun seems to make me feel so good.
3) I will try to get in public a bit more often and visit more with friends.
Well, time to go rest. Finally, I get to enjoy the fact that Kaia's a good sleeper...
